My year in a coconut shell

Going back to January, from what I can remember.  I was signed up for 12 credits, decided that wasn't enough, so I took a sheep class, who would have thought where that one class, that one decision would lead me. It introduced me to some incredible people, not only students, but adults as well. The school year was pretty un-eventful, as far as life goes. I got some scholarships, I put hundreds of miles on my running shoes, I read, wrote, and finished my last semester of math that I will ever have to take...ever. Kassi, and Emily were a few of the girls in my sheep class that would change my life. I got to watch many lambs born, and chase many ewes, and learn patience and team work.
February was my dad's birthday, I'm pretty sure I went home to celebrate. I volunteered at the elementary from this month to school ending.  I learned so much patience from kindergarten students, kindness, a hug can fix most everything, and to never leave without a good dose of hand sanitizer.
March was pretty un-eventful as well, I think that's when my lamb watching started, I stayed up for an entire night, cleaning jugs, feeding lambs, ewes, and running down allies to wake the sheep up. This was the month of my spring break, spent entirely in the hospital, ending with the death of my Grandpa. I wasn't able to make it to his funeral, but that was the second of many deaths this year.
April was the month of field trips.  First we toured around north Utah, exploring sheep ranches.  Saw my first sheep dairy, met some incredibly pompous people.  Then we took a three day, tri-state tour.  Started in Utah, headed up to Idaho, stopped at a US land management thing for a tour, and an incredibly boring lecture. Next we spent the night at a hotel in Idaho.  Then we headed to Wyoming. We spent an evening at a sheep ranch, there were some ridiculously nice people, who gave us lunch and invited us into their homes.  After an afternoon van nap we headed back to Utah. This was the third death of the year, my Grandpa's sister, didn't make that funeral either. 
May was the month I headed up to Nevada for my first summer alone, away from home, on my own.  This was the month I met Marie, and Tom, and a bunch of Peruvian workers, who seemed very intimidated by me. I went hiking this month, and found many mines, I doctored a lot of sheep.  Fixed a lamb with a broken leg, and nursed him back to health.  I got a huge house all to myself. I learned responsibility like no other, and had to figure a lot out on my own.  I learned how to use wire stretchers, I learned how to fix electric fences, look for shorts, re-wire, clean disgusting bath rooms, make a gate, drive sheep. This was the month, I learned what it was like to be a slave. This was the month I had to ask permission to leave the property, I had to let someone know where I was a hundred percent of the time, this was the month, I learned just how annoying a cell phone was. This was the month I learned what its like to drive a four wheeler with no brakes, and no reverse, this is the month I learned that wire fences in the sun light can appear transparent, that my decisions weren't the best, that I would be held accountable, this was the month I had to ask for day's off, and ask to go to town, this is when I lost a lot of independence.
June this was the month I took the cast off my bummer lamb. I started running with Marie.  The first time I hung up on my dad, because he told me not to come home, and if I broke down he wouldn't help me.  This was the first time I missed my brother's birthday. This was the month, I met an intern, and started having fun on the job.  This was the month, I learned how to fill up a fertilizer tank, how to clean one, how to drive a back ho, how to clear land. This is the month we rode double on a four wheeler taking turns driving, we learned how to mess around and not get caught.  This was the month I learned how to grade wool, and how to work a computer like its no ones business. This is the month I learned  about the hot tub, and reading in it late at night, and sneaking back to my house. This was the month I started kick boxing. This is the month I started hating the responsibility of living on my own with a pet.  This was the month I started and quit training a horse, who would not stop biting me. This was the month I felt my first earth quake. This was the month of my Uncles death, and I missed it as well.
July perhaps the funnest month, I made a lot of friends in Yerington, watched some amazing fireworks, had dinner parties and game nights, perfected my Spanish, dewormed sheep, bottle fed many lambs, saw my professor who got me my job, found puppies, learned to drive a truck and trailer. Learned how four wheel drive works in a Ford. This was the month I shot my first coyote, and killed my first rattle snake. This was the month of flooding, of trying to make a raft, of swimming in the river.  This was the month we got our mule, and this was the month we got to drive in the little ranch trucks after getting stranded in our mule fixing fences when the worst rain hit and left us soaking wet.  This was the month or rain, and dancing in it. This was the month of splashing through puddles and driving through sprinklers.  This was the month my parents came and I didn't want them to leave. This was the month my brother called me, and I didn't want the phone call to end. This was the month I found God again, and attended church every Sunday, and fell in love with the greatest people I've ever met. This was the month we decided to make a potato shooting gun. I learned a few rocks and a dirt road won't kill my car, that sometimes the best sound is not music with words, but just music, just sound, to keep you awake, to keep you going. July was the month my intern friend left, and was replaced with games and dessert. July I found me and my strength to keep going. July was when I said goodbye to my parents, and my trusty companion for two months, Smokey, only in preparation to leave my summer home.
August was the month I left. I got my first kiss. I spent a night on a water tower. I spent an amazing week with my brother, met new people, and gained friends in one week.  I felt like they knew me, but I had never heard these people mentioned.  I spent many a night on a couch, broke rules, and ate nothing. Perhaps what I miss most from this month is my innocence, this is when I lost trust. I went canyoneering, swam in a pond, hiked, rode horses in the grand canyon, four wheeler-ed through bryce. I left a job that I was bored with, I left in the middle of the night, I was almost hit by an on-coming car, I drove across Nevada twice. I drove it once alone, and found my way by some pretty crappy instructions to my brother. I cried and laughed alone, I was the happiest during this month I had ever been. I went to a rodeo in a small town, I experienced my first flat tire on a horse trailer, I learned a sisters love, and what she will do for her brother.  I learned that my brother needs to control his temper, and I won't always be as forgiving. I learned embarrassment for being yelled at in front of many people.  This month I learned my independence, this was my month, this was the month I didn't want to ask for permission, and didn't want to tell people where I was or where I was going. This was the month I was set up for the first time, where I went on a date where I rode horses, and I was in charge.  This was also my month of running away. This is the month I left all my problems, and din't deal with the house of cards that was falling down. This was also the month I stopped caring, and did what I wanted.  I left early for college.  This was my month of running from every problem, from every disagreement I had, this was the month to run. 

An Aggie again

Pita my first college pet

September this was the month I ran eleven miles, this was the month I started running with Josh. The month I got Phil to Logan, the month I went to bear lake, and swam in the lake. Laughed with my friends, attempted cliff diving, swam a river, was re-united with some of my best friends again. I had squash cobbler, and picked vegis. 
October I got disappointed.  October I realized what I had gotten myself into with school.  This was the month my professor offered me a job to be a UTF, this was the month I was going to turn it all around, and then I didn't.  This was Halloween and haunted houses, scary movies, and trick or treating for the first time in ages.

Halloween with the mates

November, this was thanks giving I had to learn to face my problems.  Life and my communications class taught me that. I learned not to trust everyone, that people lie, that people you are close to physically you can be miles away emotionally, and cognitively. This was the month I cut off communication. This was also the month I learned my brother had a girl friend, that I didn't trust him, that he with held important information from me.  This was the month I stopped running. This month I went to lunch with my mom and we talked about everything. This was the month I went hiking in Springville, I went hiking with my friends to the hot springs, and I didn't need my brother, and I fell flat on my back and laid on the ice laughing at myself and staring at the stars. I learned to over come life's challenges. This is when I faced failing, and decided I could move on. This is the month I learned to love my brother again, this is when I learned his happiness was important, and he still loved me.  This was the month that caused me the most stress, and I wouldn't re-live it for almost anything.

First Blind Date

Hiking Provo Peak

December this is the month I learned to love my family again.  This was my month for forgiving myself, and Grandma, and everyone who had done me wrong. My month for re-discovering me and who I had become. This was the month  to read books, and knit, and study, go hiking, and snow shoeing, and stay up late with friends, complete puzzles and watch movies. This is my Grandma's month, this is about being true to her, and living up to what she expects of me.  This is my mothers birthday month; this is about her, this is about re-evaluating my relationships with my family. This is about being happy with who I am, and not what people expect of me, or want from me, this is me being me. I'm a knitting, drawing person in the back of a church swaying to the music and listening to the words, a mid afternoon walker taking books and movies back to the library, going to far, and re-tracing my steps, an evening and morning runner, a writer, a fighter, a will stand up for what is righter.

Late  night paint party

Making cookies and giving them to the folks that live in our old apartment

Many batches of cookies that were made this year

My idea of making two Recipes one of them was mine, the other Jeannie's, and have the roommates blind taste  test them for me 

Peeled an orange in one piece pretty eventful day 

One of the field trips, this is where we stopped
and ate lunch/napped

During finals week we all found the fudge recipe
 on the headstone, then we made it, it was simply
the worst fudge I have ever had.

Cleaning out the fridge getting ready to check out

Zion PR the best part was the fantastic horse rides, no causalities for me, so that was good , I loved the long horse rides and driving the wagon. 

The big horses, and "Santa" we went riding through Bryce with him. 

All about the food and dinner parties this year,
Cooked so many meals for the people I love, and I
LOVE doing it

so much wool

sometimes you just have to smile

Marie's birthday cake, best chocolate cake ever, and frosting, plus freshly picked cherries

Danger indeed, but I till entered, sometimes the danger
involved is worth the risk

possibly one of the best views after driving through desert, seeing green pastures

One of the reasons I stayed. I loved feeding my bummer lambs

Some of the cutest puppies, favorite part of the day was playing with them.

The hot tub house, and all the flowers I planted, I loved planting the flowers, and I  got some of the best lemonade for doing it

The best Bryce has to offer

I love that horse, someday she will  be mine

A Birthday Party, and Smokey in the  back before he went home

I wouldn't mess with me, at least not when I'm carrying, otherwise I'm pretty harmless

my bummer lamb, he kept me company many nights

This was the most eventful year of my life, from living though six family deaths, my friends parents dying,  wondering if my childhood is ending or has already ended. From experiencing feeling like I'll not amount to what I'm supposed to.  Re-connecting with a God I threw away, patching up relationships.  From over coming my own stubborness, and protecting my own values.  From being a push over, and standing taller then ever. Realizing I have a voice, and not to be exposed and left vulnerable I need to excersize my right to speak. That its  not okay for people to take advantage of me, and for me to always run, I've finally stood and fought. From now on that's what I'll do, I have friends that will always be my friends, I need to be myself.   I have been so selfish this year, I've put me first almost always, and I've played the martyr. This new year,will take me all over everywhere, from being in charge, to disappointment, my only new years resolutions are to get good grades, stand tall and stand up for what is right, love me and everyone, laugh out loud for all to hear, continue to be immature around my best friends and have the  best year ever.
Thank you to everyone who was part of my year, you made me who I am, you helped me through everything.  You have been my supporters, and disappointments, but you've made life worth living.