Waiting for you

Accept me and love me

My oldest brother is getting married. This news came as no surprise as they had been dating for a while.  Plus he is 32. She seems like a very nice girl.  I have never spoken to her, never met her. My brother seems to think she is the perfect one, and so she is. I am happy he has met someone who loves him, can understand him, and adores him.  My second oldest brother, the one who is living the dream so to speak, is living the dream.  He has a beautiful wife and two wonderful daughters.  My Phillip seems to think Eric is living the dream.  I just hope Phil takes time and doesn't rush into the dream.  He says he will wait until he is out of law school, we'll see. Its funny when Eric and now Jason got engaged/married, it didn't affect me. I have a new sister in law, and more relatives on the way or already here, and that's about it. With Phil its different.  Who he marries should be my decision.  Not literally!  However, I feel like I should have some sort of input on the matter. His opinion along with Kim's are the opinions I listen to, and the most important.  Oh how they sway me. Shouldn't that be reciprocated. Whenever I grow up I want both of them by my side.

My entire life I was told by my very careful father "stay away from boys." So naturally for twenty years I stayed away from boys.  Not so naturally I ignored my terrible teens and decided to play them out as a twenty year old. These are my rebellious years, so to speak. I am twenty a junior bio vet major in college, high g.p.a, undergraduate teaching assistant, volunteer, blood donor, I could go on. Quite rebellious. I seem to be doing things my way though. As I put it not so eloquently "I've been listening to people tell me what to do for the past twenty years, its my turn to decide my life." Anyways, I finally ignored my fathers advice.  I wish so badly instead of telling us to stay away from (insert sex) he would have told us to find someone who loves, cares and adores us.  Who will accept us, stand by us, and push us. I understand he was hurt and lost trust, but don't pass that onto us.  So I leave you with the question: How can I love when I'm afraid?